The Crazy Ex - Wife
The Mind & Actions of a Whack Job
The Crazy Ex-Wife
SBG: I want to be like You!
Mid August 2005
As Son did in 2004, he was again playing football in 2005 on a local league football team. Football, as it is in most places, is a rather time consuming activity. Usually there are 3-4 practices during the week and games on the weekend. Out of a 7 day calendar week, that presents 5-6 days where a parent is required to be at the ball field.
I have always tried to be present for all of Son's activities so long as I wasn't being bothered, namely by CEW. But considering we are now in the period of détente ( Apr - Dec 2005), I felt very comfortable being present and felt that I would be for the most part left alone. And I was.
It was during this time, that Toad would go out of his way to interact with me and try to befriend me. Although I found this a bit odd and believed CEW was behind it somehow, someway, it was non-threatening. So I went along with it. In the back of my mind is the memory of the things Toad has done, New Information Comes to light........, Domestic Violence, the law, Jealous rage and it's getting violent, but I tended to overlook that as all in the best interest of Son. Not to mention, I still saw Toad as the poor bastard that was just to weak to do the right thing when CEW was pressuring him to do otherwise. I've lived his life. I understood.
Toad would comment often about how he wished his relationship with his own son was the same as the relationship that I had with Son. I must admit I did find that flattering.
Additionally there would be times where Toad would bring his own children to Son's practices. On those occasions, he and CEW would leave early and both CEW and Toad would ask if I would mind taking, not only Son home after practice, but also his two children. Clearly there was a sense that this guy, Toad trusted me or at the least he was putting up the front because CEW wanted him to. But at the end of the day, I was having the level of access to Son that I always dreamed of. And CEW was painting me as the hero in the eyes of Son.
Toad was not done yet. With his yet to be final divorce, fast approaching a final date, Toad and CEW were actively involved in their wedding preparations. On one particular night in Mid August, Toad approaches me and asks me if I would be his best man. Toad tells me the wedding is planned for mid October and on a weekend I would have with Son ( he could only know this from CEW ). Toad tells me his real best friend couldn't make and since he couldn't make, would I be willing to stand him for him. I'm thinking this is really getting weird.
I tell Toad, that I think it's a weird proposition and I'd rather not. Toad simply tells me to think about it.... Which I do for about 30 seconds and dismiss. I'm hoping as with most things with CEW that it is forgotten or another plan is made. In fact, I think, if I piss off CEW maybe I'm off the hook with this entire Best Man thing... I really just wanted it to go away... But because I left the door open, just a crack, I will allow the door to be broken down... But this becomes yet another dumb ass move on the part of yours truly... I am indeed the Charlie Brown to CEW's Lucy.... Once again.. as time will tell...
As Son did in 2004, he was again playing football in 2005 on a local league football team. Football, as it is in most places, is a rather time consuming activity. Usually there are 3-4 practices during the week and games on the weekend. Out of a 7 day calendar week, that presents 5-6 days where a parent is required to be at the ball field.
I have always tried to be present for all of Son's activities so long as I wasn't being bothered, namely by CEW. But considering we are now in the period of détente ( Apr - Dec 2005), I felt very comfortable being present and felt that I would be for the most part left alone. And I was.
It was during this time, that Toad would go out of his way to interact with me and try to befriend me. Although I found this a bit odd and believed CEW was behind it somehow, someway, it was non-threatening. So I went along with it. In the back of my mind is the memory of the things Toad has done, New Information Comes to light........, Domestic Violence, the law, Jealous rage and it's getting violent, but I tended to overlook that as all in the best interest of Son. Not to mention, I still saw Toad as the poor bastard that was just to weak to do the right thing when CEW was pressuring him to do otherwise. I've lived his life. I understood.
Toad would comment often about how he wished his relationship with his own son was the same as the relationship that I had with Son. I must admit I did find that flattering.
Additionally there would be times where Toad would bring his own children to Son's practices. On those occasions, he and CEW would leave early and both CEW and Toad would ask if I would mind taking, not only Son home after practice, but also his two children. Clearly there was a sense that this guy, Toad trusted me or at the least he was putting up the front because CEW wanted him to. But at the end of the day, I was having the level of access to Son that I always dreamed of. And CEW was painting me as the hero in the eyes of Son.
Toad was not done yet. With his yet to be final divorce, fast approaching a final date, Toad and CEW were actively involved in their wedding preparations. On one particular night in Mid August, Toad approaches me and asks me if I would be his best man. Toad tells me the wedding is planned for mid October and on a weekend I would have with Son ( he could only know this from CEW ). Toad tells me his real best friend couldn't make and since he couldn't make, would I be willing to stand him for him. I'm thinking this is really getting weird.
I tell Toad, that I think it's a weird proposition and I'd rather not. Toad simply tells me to think about it.... Which I do for about 30 seconds and dismiss. I'm hoping as with most things with CEW that it is forgotten or another plan is made. In fact, I think, if I piss off CEW maybe I'm off the hook with this entire Best Man thing... I really just wanted it to go away... But because I left the door open, just a crack, I will allow the door to be broken down... But this becomes yet another dumb ass move on the part of yours truly... I am indeed the Charlie Brown to CEW's Lucy.... Once again.. as time will tell...
Jealous rage and it's getting violent
Thursday, July 21, 2005
As was the case with the domestic violence issue between Toad & TS, I find out about this newest escapade on a Thursday, following a Wednesday overnight visit with Son. It's on these nights, when CEW is able to run uninhibited and unrestrained by Son. Of course one might asked oneself, what is CEW doing with her then 14 year old daughter. In any event, this story, is more violent and more concerning and not only reinforces the mental make up of CEW, but also raises some alarming concerns about Toad.
Some where along the course of their budding relationship, Toad shares with CEW the name of a person Toad had previously dated. In fact, Toad divulges that he has been exchanging emails with this former love interest. This was a very bad move on the part of Toad and he clearly has not gained a full understanding of CEW.
During my marital years with CEW, she would often send emails and even IM's under my name portending to be me. In fact, this was common operating procedure for CEW. I was never afforded my own, personal email account and if I was, I had to provide her the password. Toad is in the process of learning this basic fundamental.
As the story goes, Love Interest calls Toad on his cell phone on Tuesday, July 19 at 300am. Who knows why, but she wanted to speak with Toad no doubt prompted by their recent email exchanges. Well, guess who answers the phone? CEW. An argument ensues, the call terminates. Love Interest then emails Toad and the following is a summary of that exchange:
______________________________________________________________________________________
Love Interest: I just wanted to talk to you. I'm sorry I called so late. Your new girlfriend is a pyscho.
Toad (via CEW ): This is CEW. I'm replying for Toad. You think you are so hot. Well anyone could be hot if they had fake boobs.
Love Interest: You wished you looked this hot.
Toad ( via CEW): If you look soo good, then why are you constantly being dumped by men. You are a joke for men to laugh at and a very sick individual. You are a redneck queen in action. For the record, you do not "look good". I am beautiful, plus I have a brain, self respect and self esteem to go with it!! 3 things you can't buy in a surgeon's office honey. Oh yeah, I also have the greatest man in the world who loves and adores me and treats me like a queen,,the same man who didn't want you! Here's an idea, Love Interest, stop hiding behind a telephone and e-mail, and be a real woman, meet me somewhere face to face to spout your little lies and I will show you what a real woman looks like and what she does to protect and defend the people she cares about. OK?
___________________________________________________________________________________________
The final response from CEW is filled with jealousy and rage. Having witnessed this same emotion during and after our marriage, I knew it was not going to end with just an email exchange. CEW was ready for a fight.
The next night is Wednesday, July 20. I have Son for my normal visitation. As the story was communicated to me by CEW, she and Toad drove to Love Interest's apartment in the wee hours of the morning. In an effort to "send a message" to Love Interest, CEW and with Toad in tow, break the windshield on Love Interest's car. Right out of the God Father. In fact, when CEW told me I really got a bit uneasy just knowing this, but on some level I wanted to know this.
Why CEW would tell me, I have no idea. Again, I have to point to the fact, it was a time of detente and she was wrapped up with Toad. I had been relegated to a mere friend, or casual acquaintenace. Maybe she wanted my approval - which she did not get. But I also was not as outspoken against it as I probably should have been. Not that my opinion would have made a difference. And while the idea of actually turning those two in to authorities did cross my mind, I quickly dismissed it. They would deny it. I had no proof other than CEW's word and if I pissed her off I would lose all this time I have with Son. Not to mention all the focus was off of me. I was finally an after thought in CEW's life.
I was now gaining access to information that I probably had no business knowing and I eagerly soaked in all in.
The next day, now Thursday, July 21, Love Interest emails Toad. Here is that exchange:
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Love Interest: Well to let you know someone busted my windshield last night. The apts. are video taped so I may be able to find out just WHO did it. It was one of three people. Toad I am really sorry about this whole thing. You know when we stopped talking that was it we were done. Just don't get this whole thing.
Toad ( or CEW ): Sorry to hear that. Are you okay? Hopefully you can catch the person that did it. I do know that CEW was at my house all night long. CEW still does not have a place to live so her and the children are staying at my house until their new apartment is ready. Let me kn ow if there is nothing I can do.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Again, I was copied on this exchange. Why? Who knows. Of course even this reponse from CEW / Toad is wrought with untruths. But if they would break out a windshield, one would not expect they own up to the crime or anything else for that matter.
This certainly allows for insight into how CEW and Toad behave and more importantly what they are capable. This will serve me well down the road........
As was the case with the domestic violence issue between Toad & TS, I find out about this newest escapade on a Thursday, following a Wednesday overnight visit with Son. It's on these nights, when CEW is able to run uninhibited and unrestrained by Son. Of course one might asked oneself, what is CEW doing with her then 14 year old daughter. In any event, this story, is more violent and more concerning and not only reinforces the mental make up of CEW, but also raises some alarming concerns about Toad.
Some where along the course of their budding relationship, Toad shares with CEW the name of a person Toad had previously dated. In fact, Toad divulges that he has been exchanging emails with this former love interest. This was a very bad move on the part of Toad and he clearly has not gained a full understanding of CEW.
During my marital years with CEW, she would often send emails and even IM's under my name portending to be me. In fact, this was common operating procedure for CEW. I was never afforded my own, personal email account and if I was, I had to provide her the password. Toad is in the process of learning this basic fundamental.
As the story goes, Love Interest calls Toad on his cell phone on Tuesday, July 19 at 300am. Who knows why, but she wanted to speak with Toad no doubt prompted by their recent email exchanges. Well, guess who answers the phone? CEW. An argument ensues, the call terminates. Love Interest then emails Toad and the following is a summary of that exchange:
______________________________________________________________________________________
Love Interest: I just wanted to talk to you. I'm sorry I called so late. Your new girlfriend is a pyscho.
Toad (via CEW ): This is CEW. I'm replying for Toad. You think you are so hot. Well anyone could be hot if they had fake boobs.
Love Interest: You wished you looked this hot.
Toad ( via CEW): If you look soo good, then why are you constantly being dumped by men. You are a joke for men to laugh at and a very sick individual. You are a redneck queen in action. For the record, you do not "look good". I am beautiful, plus I have a brain, self respect and self esteem to go with it!! 3 things you can't buy in a surgeon's office honey. Oh yeah, I also have the greatest man in the world who loves and adores me and treats me like a queen,,the same man who didn't want you! Here's an idea, Love Interest, stop hiding behind a telephone and e-mail, and be a real woman, meet me somewhere face to face to spout your little lies and I will show you what a real woman looks like and what she does to protect and defend the people she cares about. OK?
___________________________________________________________________________________________
The final response from CEW is filled with jealousy and rage. Having witnessed this same emotion during and after our marriage, I knew it was not going to end with just an email exchange. CEW was ready for a fight.
The next night is Wednesday, July 20. I have Son for my normal visitation. As the story was communicated to me by CEW, she and Toad drove to Love Interest's apartment in the wee hours of the morning. In an effort to "send a message" to Love Interest, CEW and with Toad in tow, break the windshield on Love Interest's car. Right out of the God Father. In fact, when CEW told me I really got a bit uneasy just knowing this, but on some level I wanted to know this.
Why CEW would tell me, I have no idea. Again, I have to point to the fact, it was a time of detente and she was wrapped up with Toad. I had been relegated to a mere friend, or casual acquaintenace. Maybe she wanted my approval - which she did not get. But I also was not as outspoken against it as I probably should have been. Not that my opinion would have made a difference. And while the idea of actually turning those two in to authorities did cross my mind, I quickly dismissed it. They would deny it. I had no proof other than CEW's word and if I pissed her off I would lose all this time I have with Son. Not to mention all the focus was off of me. I was finally an after thought in CEW's life.
I was now gaining access to information that I probably had no business knowing and I eagerly soaked in all in.
The next day, now Thursday, July 21, Love Interest emails Toad. Here is that exchange:
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Love Interest: Well to let you know someone busted my windshield last night. The apts. are video taped so I may be able to find out just WHO did it. It was one of three people. Toad I am really sorry about this whole thing. You know when we stopped talking that was it we were done. Just don't get this whole thing.
Toad ( or CEW ): Sorry to hear that. Are you okay? Hopefully you can catch the person that did it. I do know that CEW was at my house all night long. CEW still does not have a place to live so her and the children are staying at my house until their new apartment is ready. Let me kn ow if there is nothing I can do.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Again, I was copied on this exchange. Why? Who knows. Of course even this reponse from CEW / Toad is wrought with untruths. But if they would break out a windshield, one would not expect they own up to the crime or anything else for that matter.
This certainly allows for insight into how CEW and Toad behave and more importantly what they are capable. This will serve me well down the road........
My boyfriend wants to adopt Son, you sick man!
Friday, September 19, 2003
In May of 2003 I was able to get a conviction against CEW for the harassing phone call complaint I had filed in September of 2002. From this came, 6 months probation and direct order from CJ # 1 that CEW was to have no contact with me. CEW never followed that direction. As a result I took out a second harassing telephone complaint in June 2003.
As a result of my efforts to enforce the no contact order by CJ #1, and the second harassing telephone complaint there were times I did not visit with Son as I should have. In addition, CEW, almost with every visit was making changes to either the exchange time or exchange place. Visitation became quite the ordeal.
Somewhere along in all of this, CEW came up with the idea that she would threaten me with the idea that her boyfriend ( BF # 1) would adopt Son. In early September 2003, she sent me a package which included official state adoption forms. CEW followed that up with the following email:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
DM:
I feel it safe to assume that you completed the adoption consent papers and have Fed Ex'ed them back to me and will never be darkening our doorstep or lives ever again.
Son needs stability and a loving, involved father. You have shown you can provide neither. You can show up for court cases because you are referred to as the victim, (which is how you always have viewed yourself and present yourself to the world.....).
I know this might hurt Son in the short term because he took pride in the fact that part of his name was your name. However, I have been advised by 3 different doctors / counselors now, that the best thing for Son is to not be subjected to your constant lies and rejection of him. Not to mention your new lifestyle.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
This is typical of CEW then and now. More Psychological Projection. She always is ready with justifications as to why she is alienating Son from me. At the core as has been discusssed on these pages, her problem is lack of attention from me and involvement with me. This time frame was no different. Also of note, is the projection of lying and victimhood. As is and will be demonstrated here, CEW is all about untruths, manipulation and distortion and all justified because life has treated her poorly.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Also, it is not in Son's best interest for me to continually cover for you and make excuses for you, when quite frankly there is no excuse for your abandonment of your child. I have now taken down all his pictures of you in his room and replacing them with real heroes, like firefighters, soldiers and his favorite athletes. I am also putting away the videos with you in them as well as the 2 e-mails and 1 card you have sent him since you left 15 months ago.
Your days of blaming me for your inability to be an honest man, are over. You have lied and cheated your whole life. LONG before you met me. I will not allow you to ever use my child as your emotional scapegoat. You are toxic and Son can't be subjected to that.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Again CEW is trying connect my decision to leave the marriage and her as a decision to leave behind Son. It is this message that CEW has continually sent to Son over the years. The removal of pictures, the putting away of videos and of course the adoption papers, all an attempt to alienate me from Son's life.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Sad. How you have allowed your ego and mid-life crisis to get your priorities all screwed up. One of these days you will be forced to take responsibility for all the lies you told on me and to Son. I pray that I live long enough to see you reap the punishment for the hurt your lies and deceit have caused innocent people.
You should be receiving notice from the court that your parental rights are being revoked. However, without the signed consent form, you will still be responsibile for child support as per the original divorce decree.
You are a very, very, sick man. You have told sooo many lies, you actually believe them. Even when there is proof, evidence and third party testimony that you are lying. I will not allow your illness to further effect or harm my children or myself, ever again. Maybe the child GF gives you will provide you with a new scapegoat for your problems, for you will no longer be using me or mine.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
The last paragraph reads like a self-assessment of CEW by CEW. This is pyschological projection at it's best. All in all, this email was an attempt to further drive me from Son's life. With name calling, requests to leave Son alone and of course a request to sign my parental rights over to BF # 1.
In May of 2003 I was able to get a conviction against CEW for the harassing phone call complaint I had filed in September of 2002. From this came, 6 months probation and direct order from CJ # 1 that CEW was to have no contact with me. CEW never followed that direction. As a result I took out a second harassing telephone complaint in June 2003.
As a result of my efforts to enforce the no contact order by CJ #1, and the second harassing telephone complaint there were times I did not visit with Son as I should have. In addition, CEW, almost with every visit was making changes to either the exchange time or exchange place. Visitation became quite the ordeal.
Somewhere along in all of this, CEW came up with the idea that she would threaten me with the idea that her boyfriend ( BF # 1) would adopt Son. In early September 2003, she sent me a package which included official state adoption forms. CEW followed that up with the following email:
__________________________________________________________________________________________
DM:
I feel it safe to assume that you completed the adoption consent papers and have Fed Ex'ed them back to me and will never be darkening our doorstep or lives ever again.
Son needs stability and a loving, involved father. You have shown you can provide neither. You can show up for court cases because you are referred to as the victim, (which is how you always have viewed yourself and present yourself to the world.....).
I know this might hurt Son in the short term because he took pride in the fact that part of his name was your name. However, I have been advised by 3 different doctors / counselors now, that the best thing for Son is to not be subjected to your constant lies and rejection of him. Not to mention your new lifestyle.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
This is typical of CEW then and now. More Psychological Projection. She always is ready with justifications as to why she is alienating Son from me. At the core as has been discusssed on these pages, her problem is lack of attention from me and involvement with me. This time frame was no different. Also of note, is the projection of lying and victimhood. As is and will be demonstrated here, CEW is all about untruths, manipulation and distortion and all justified because life has treated her poorly.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Also, it is not in Son's best interest for me to continually cover for you and make excuses for you, when quite frankly there is no excuse for your abandonment of your child. I have now taken down all his pictures of you in his room and replacing them with real heroes, like firefighters, soldiers and his favorite athletes. I am also putting away the videos with you in them as well as the 2 e-mails and 1 card you have sent him since you left 15 months ago.
Your days of blaming me for your inability to be an honest man, are over. You have lied and cheated your whole life. LONG before you met me. I will not allow you to ever use my child as your emotional scapegoat. You are toxic and Son can't be subjected to that.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Again CEW is trying connect my decision to leave the marriage and her as a decision to leave behind Son. It is this message that CEW has continually sent to Son over the years. The removal of pictures, the putting away of videos and of course the adoption papers, all an attempt to alienate me from Son's life.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Sad. How you have allowed your ego and mid-life crisis to get your priorities all screwed up. One of these days you will be forced to take responsibility for all the lies you told on me and to Son. I pray that I live long enough to see you reap the punishment for the hurt your lies and deceit have caused innocent people.
You should be receiving notice from the court that your parental rights are being revoked. However, without the signed consent form, you will still be responsibile for child support as per the original divorce decree.
You are a very, very, sick man. You have told sooo many lies, you actually believe them. Even when there is proof, evidence and third party testimony that you are lying. I will not allow your illness to further effect or harm my children or myself, ever again. Maybe the child GF gives you will provide you with a new scapegoat for your problems, for you will no longer be using me or mine.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
The last paragraph reads like a self-assessment of CEW by CEW. This is pyschological projection at it's best. All in all, this email was an attempt to further drive me from Son's life. With name calling, requests to leave Son alone and of course a request to sign my parental rights over to BF # 1.